he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
