Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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