I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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