i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
