The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
