how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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