I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
