you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
