maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
found the other keg... it's in the tree
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
