Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
