I hate your face
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
