All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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