after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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