Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
