so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
