Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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