Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
