she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
