I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
