8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
