so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
