so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
