I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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