I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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