Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
