i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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