I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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