some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
My ass is underappreciated
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
