I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
