It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
