i barfeds in our rink
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
