so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
