I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
