so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
