Don't you send me to vm
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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