She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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