I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
