You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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