Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
