Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
