I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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