I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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