This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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