A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
