whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
