I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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