In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
