mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
