i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
