Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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