Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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